Week 4
This week was trying to eliminate the anger and frustration that surrounds me. I have been having Strange dreams one was fighting with my sibling telling them where to go and the other was saving their life. I have felt they were the favorite child and always got spoiled. I was left on the back burner and always had to give up my room when company came to stay.
Given I was a strong willed child and did things my way and didn’t care what you had to say to me. I was told I would fail at everything which some of that was true .
I failed at getting the best education I could because I took the easiest path and turned away from what mattered most and settled for less because I didn’t believe I deserve better.
Don’t feel sorry for me this course is about chipping away at the concrete forgiving others, fill your heart with love, giving more.
When you hold onto all the SHIT from the past it destroys your future. You can’t grow with hate it pulls you down and you drift into the the black whole, weather it be drug use or alcohol the low self-esteem and blaming everyone else for where you are and where you should be.
I can’t look at, what I should have done that or this, I can only take today and make it the best day ever leaving my past buried and the future to be played out just focusing on my present day. None of what happened in the past matter it happened but it doesn’t define the person I am today.
My garden is starting to flourish with everything I want in my life and giving back more then I have but the joy that comes form that is rich all in itself, forming good habit, sticking to my promises and completing my daily task makes me a very happy person.
This constant Practices, Produces the Perfect, Performance of the Presentation you want to deliver to clients, business associates or for your own personal goals in life.
Many people get paralyzed by their fears and never accomplish the results one desires, because of what they must give up in order to gain the success they envision. This is due to leaving others behind, the responsibilities that come with success, fear of the unknown results that may happen., and wanting things to remain the same, but wishing for more which is craziness, yet it happens too often and dreams die more time then seeing it through to the end result, and growing in the process of the journey so you are able to help others in return. This is selfish of use to do.
It is our responsibility to be expansive to live out our purpose here on the planet, the higher source gave use a purpose to achieve in our allotted time to make a difference, whatever that may be.
I can say fear never leaves you it is where you place the fear that drive you or holds you back.
I remember starting a new job not knowing all the things I had to do for the job. I went to orientation the new hires had to do a road test. I had been in a automatic for 5 months, this company had a Manuel 13 speed Transmissions which I have never driven before. Plus it was in a group, judgment of doing it wrong was in the back of my mind. the test was to back between two trailers while the others watched.
I guess I don’t like people watching me but the career I have chosen has me in the view of many. My nerves were shaking anticipating my turn. I kept taking big breaths to calm myself down thinking about the time limit only 15 minutes to back into the space. Only 15 minutes to get it done. I chose to be last to see how everyone else did, now it was my turn, I jumped in the Truck fumbling to find the right gear, so I made it to the set up for backing the truck, I got out did the walk around like I was supposed to, got back in put it in reverse, and backed just until I was just going between the two trailers got out and looked as they instructed me to do and got into the truck backed half way got out and took one last look before my final park job, it seemed like forever but it took only 7 minutes for all of that to take place.
Next was the road trip I decided to be last again so I could see the pattern for shifting, I felt sick to my stomach knowing my turn was coming. Well I passed with flying colors, shifting was a little rough but it wasn’t bad my maneuver were smooth.
I found myself talking to the other people in the class it seemed they had the same fear and judgment of others. As I observed the action of my coworkers, everyone but 2 supported and encouraged others.
One girl sat by herself on the first day, that bothered me, I understood because I didn’t trust people either at that time. I made a comment to her that she hurt my feelings, she didn’t sit with us that day, on the next day she joined the group but didn’t talk, the day after she was breaking out of her shell, I told her I was proud of her saying what she had to say and sitting with the group. She gave me her number when we got back to the hotel. I was surprised and glad she did, hoping to grow a new friendship.
Getting rid of fear of the unknown and embracing the power within take Persistence, Practice, which Produces, Perfect, Presentation. What you repeatedly do is the results created in our lives good or bad.
Life is expressive and it is our business to express ourselves harmoniously and constructively to create the life we imagine.
Keep Shining Bright
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