Week 18 – 21
These weeks have been quite the experience as I sat for one whole day with no electronic tried for three but the forces to get my business off the ground overpowered me from sitting in silence. When I found myself getting scattered, I sat again to refocus for the next thing I should do.
I’m still planning for the three days of silence. Right now I am doing about 5 hrs. All to myself.
Each day is a new discovery with the tools I have been given, I am more aware of things that are going on around me and how to handle the emotions that are stirred up.
I read an old letter yesterday that in raged me it was written 2 years ago, but it just seen like yesterday. The words where hurtful because this person doesn’t know what has been happening in my family, she hasn’t been around for 4 years and is just going off of the things she and I experienced in the past together, she is playing my kid against me and placing all the blame on me.
Anyway, I have been sitting thinking about why this hurts so much, many times I’ve wrote her off not wanting her in my life because of the anger she stirs up along with other family members.
Saying they left it in the past, but actions show otherwise.
As kids are impressionable in there teen years and agree with people who share their same opinions, I guess this is the journey they have to take and see how it plays outs.
Plus, it wasn’t my letter to read, another thing is, I only want positive people around me, although she thinks she is the best solution for my kids, and I pray that is true. How can she be positive for them when she is talking bad about me to my kids? I haven’t got the answer for that one yet.
As Og mentions: “I make allowances for his anger and irritation of today for he knows not the secret of controlling his mind. I can withstand his arrows and insults for now I know that tomorrow he will change and be a joy to approach. “
I am a master of my emotions. ” Boy Does This take work and daily action to master.
It is said I can tie any emotion to anything that comes my way, as well the things that have happen do not define the person I am becoming. We all have past choices that we regret or things we wish we would have done differently and maybe not, you can say you are sorry a million times about things done, it is their problem if they can’t forgive you. You need to forgive yourself as well.
It is their banana, their “Bear Kettle” magnifying years that they want to hold against you. I love them for who they are and move on to the person I want to be, Harmonious, Happy, Loving and at peace with Natural Law.
I will make sure that my Mind, Body, and Soul are all in balance and I get things done in a certain way to get the riches I deserve and give back to others always comparing myself to who I was yesterday and who I want to be. Forgive everyone no matter where they are. I become the highest version of myself.
I remember when I was getting my Class A license and the road were weathered with obstacles, people were getting into accidents, road delays, I felt rushed to get to my destination, thinking I’ll go around, I’ll take this or that way.
Then I got this slap in the face saying stop relax eat dinner and wait. It will be fine, and you will get there safe. Being in a rush causes accidents and it isn’t worth your life.
The staff at the gas station said the roads wouldn’t open until 12 am and it was only 8 pm. I didn’t want to be there that long, but there was no other choice then sit in the warm building or in the car. I was listening to everyone being upset that they had to wait and started laughing thinking thank you for being in a safe place and not stuck on the cold road.
I got to the hotel only 2 hrs later which was nice peaceful and relaxing there had amazing art and beautiful furniture. The queen side bed that just wrapped and formed to my body giving me a great night sleep.
Monday the first day of school I couldn’t find the place, I passed it, there was just few minutes until the class started, I don’t want to be late for my first day and start the class off on the wrong foot. I found it. Yes with 10 minutes to spare. In the beginning of class, they do the pre- trip on the tractor and trailer they handed me this green sheet of paper which I thought of liberty, one of my PPN’s (personal, pivotal needs) what a great sign. The verbiage was different then the pre-trip I learned for the Motor Coach. The order was not as printed on the paper, so I re-wrote it to make it easier on myself. The instructor said it a million miles an hour I told him to be in slow motion play so I could keep up. Then it was time for straight backing for 3 hrs on the flat bed, after lunch it was off set right backing and then onto 90 degree backing. On top of that it was on a manual transmission that I haven’t driven in over 21 yrs. It came back like riding a bike. Reverse and first only for the first week of school no using the gas yet.
Tues, Wednesday, and Thursday seemed to just run together, Tuesday I woke up at 4:45 am and started saying the pre-trip and Wednesday it was at 2:45, By Thursday I had both sides memorized. They called me to do the pre-trip in front of the group, terror came over my body speaking in front of 10 guys plus the 2 instructors, guys as well, I raised my hands over my hand took a deep breath shook out my hand and said ok I got this and when in to full force saying everything I needed to say, the instructor stopped me at the rear of the tractor and gave it to someone else to finish up, I asked him did I do something wrong why are you stopping me, he told me you got it, you are good we just need to tweak some things and you have it. Very Cool.
They have this red tuck that everyone likes, and I don’t, so what happens is I get the red truck of course because I don’t want it, we don’t seem to mesh together, I will concur RED (red means helping others)
The green (this color means travel to me) truck that everyone has trouble with was easy for me to control.
Class is going very well all of Franklin virtues are shining through just blasting my heart with a warm loving feeling and a new perspective on life.
Scroll V living this day as if it where my last give thanks for the new day and night, don’t think of tomorrows deeds just today’s task and leave today’s endeavors with that day. Don’t worry about things that my never happen, live in the moment and celebrate in the moments of your day.
All of the weeks I missed are blogged here in week 18.
There are a whole lot of things I could say to why I am behind on my blogs but the biggest one is I am traveling over the road in and out of service areas, so when I get out from behind the wheel I listen to the lesson trying to cram all this in one sitting which is overwhelming being behind in weeks, It validates the “Just Do It”, and Do IT Now, you know say, Do IT NOW 25 times.
Don’t put off what you can do today until tomorrow, it is small at first then before you know it, things have gotten out of control.
plus, the statement, I always keep my promises. Letting yourself down from accomplishing what you set out to do. The old habit of putting it off is no longer working, making a decision and doing it until it has reached its completion. During my travel time I think about the person I intend to become and my DMP, blueprint builder looking for all the shapes and color, Making the connections so it doesn’t short circuit the vision I want for my life. this isn’t a buffet, get all the fire and wire together and I am worthy of the time to learn these simple exercises to find my major purpose in life.
My make over word of the week is intuitive. I am doing just that doing my blog today and stop waiting tell the last minute to write the miracles of each day down
This week has been interesting, I have seen my husband putting away shopping carts, and opening doors for people. I notice kind acts throughout this week. I’ve needed reminders to stay focused on my goals. There will be weeks like this, it is the challenges that make me stronger and not to give up on myself.
I look forward to seeing what the person I intend to be do next. I live this day as if it was my last.
What am I pretending not to know?
This week has been a Rollercoaster ride, with lots of emotions. So, all the virtues kind of slammed me all at once courage to jump in the Big Rig and shifting which I hadn’t done in 21 yrs. Plus it was double clutching which I’ve never done.
Monday I was shaking so hard it felt like electricity flowing through wires I could have lite up town that night it was hard for me to sleep.
Tuesday was a lot better; I had a training buddy that got it a lot faster than me and I didn’t want to hold him up from moving forward, there was still stuff I needed to work on but I got it.
Wednesday was the first test run that we would do our test on, that was fun having to cross over to lanes of oncoming traffic coming onto the freeway and you need to get off in 200ft. cars didn’t want to let me over and I had my blinker on, so I just eased in, praying they would back off a bit, they did I’M BIG and there small so what are they going to do.
A little saying from the Ant Bully Movie.
I had some amazing classmate until Monday, there was this girl that started had this snob attitude I gave some back that day, because she was trying to be alfa over me. I was asking a question to the instructor on what the person was saying about the pre-trip to get Clarification on how to say it. I told the person to continue and the girl says oh since you have permission go ahead and I looked right at her and said, yes now he can continue. I just thought wow what a ……
I am here to learn and I’m trying to figure out the right word for the pre-trip and she is Giving me grief for trying to learn by asking questions. I went back to the hotel that night asking myself what I am supposed to learn from this chick ? I want to punch her in the face.
Thursday I returned to school and she had index cards that she wrote out the pre-trip on, I looked at her hand writing and complemented her on the writing, I found out that she was taking 3 classes, which I think takes a lot of her time and she is stressed out, so moral of the story, don’t strike them because of their behavior there is a reason for how someone is acting, it wasn’t me.
It was her dealing with life. She doesn’t have the MKMMA tool, plus she struck me as a (red) so no offense reds you get stuff done you like control but when you bump into this yellow, we will have words until we work it out. Love you guys.
So, Saturday I test out and get my Class A license here I Come Liberty!!! I’m going to get paid to travel. Who knew…until next week
Keep Shining Like A Star
I have been in beep thought of where I want to live, the kind of career I want to have, my major purpose for being on this earth. I am drifting for the moment, (the crossroads) which way to go. Previously I would just do whatever and take the path easiest to travel the comfort zone going to what was simple and less painful. The cookie cutter life. The everyday pain and struggles I’ve been use too. I am done with that way of living.
Time for the unknown the adventure to greatness to find my true self and bring her into the known, she has been in the abyss for a long time waiting to arise and find the glory of I.
I have this friend who is a young mother who is struggling to make ends meat trying to hide in her work, stressing on raising her sweet boy, and trying to understand why the guy she loved doesn’t want to be part of this child’s world, frustrated, angry, shameful, fear, guilt well I can see it in her face, I know because I too took that path. The wanting to have that special little one before I was ready the pressure from the peers sucked up into what people were saying and doing, the lies I told myself.
I sat playing with this sweet boy for a few hrs enjoying what I missed with my own because I was caught in my pity-party to blind to see what I was doing. I hope I can help her see it, if she is ready so she doesn’t do the same thing I did.
When you are right in the middle of the storm it is harder to see the rainbow or the beauty of what is right in front of you.
The MKMMA has brought tools to me to use so I can focus on my heart desires live by my compass and not what other want for me. In my life I looked at what others had and wanted it, questioning why couldn’t I have that too, or wondering why people were further ahead than me at school, business, or sports, weight loss or whatever it was. It was because they had more of a burning desire to obtain it then I did and I didn’t have the education or the knowledge of how to get there, I didn’t make it a goal, make a plain of actions or steps to get to what I really wanted.
I do now, I just have to apply it because it won’t do it by itself.
Shine Bright Like the Star You Are